Moving Forward

"In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it."

The past couple of weeks I've been doing a lot of self reflecting. A good friendship gone bad really put a bad taste in my mouth and I'm having a hard time moving on. I felt cheated and set up. I'm not a mind reader, and it's my biggest peeve when people don't understand that communication with our feelings and needs is what connects us as humans. It's what makes relationships and friendships work. If we don't communicate what we want out of those we love then we are setting each other up for failure. Relationships don't work on "wishing" someone would do something. I was made to feel like a bad person. A bad friend. I'm not.

I think the key part of my successful 8 year relationship with my husband (wedding post will be happening soon) is that we communicate. We don't wish the other would do something for the other. We communicate it and we understand that it may take the "romance" out of it but you know what? We are happy. If we haven't gone on a date in a while, I mention it. And wouldn't you know, we go on a date and everyones happy. Instead of me "wishing" we would go on a date and stewing and being upset, I talk about it.

I experienced a friendship ending on a sour note. I'm not happy about it. It's hard to move on from something that makes you so bitter and upset. Something that could have been prevented. Instead, my "being there" wasn't good enough, therefore I was made to not feel good enough. I was made to feel like a shitty friend. I said what I needed to say, and I meant every word. But that doesn't mean I'm not upset about it. If you are setting someone up for failure, how do you expect them to react?

I've caught myself over the past few weeks feeling bad and thinking maybe I was a shitty friend. I quickly remind myself that I am a grown ass woman and deserve better. I deserve friends that communicate frustrations and disappointments with me. I'd rather talk it out and strengthen our friendship instead of finding out you are just packing up and leaving without a word of goodbye. I guess that's the easy thing to do right?

I don't like feeling like I'm being "tested" for my actions or words I say. I'm a genuine person. I mean what I say.

I'm beginning to move forward because thats what people do. Sure it'd be easy to snap my fingers and not be upset anymore but that's not the reality of it. I'm sad, frustrated, hurt, and deeply disappointed. It will take time, and that pisses me off. Because I don't deserve this taking up space in my head.

Let go or be dragged…I'm letting go.